


Be Careful What You Wish For

by Riddle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming of Age, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, POV Akaashi Keiji, POV Iwaizumi Hajime, POV Yamaguchi Tadashi, Personality Swap, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29736342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddle/pseuds/Riddle
Summary: Iwaizumi, Yamaguchi, and Akaashi are sick and tired. They are angry at not only the world but also those idiots in it that they just can't help but love. Everything seems to be going wrong for them, but after an unlikely encounter at a house party, things get even worse. Soon, they are bound together by a wish they had never expected to come true, much less with all these terrible consequences...
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**—Iwaizumi—**

By the time he arrived at the party, Iwaizumi already wanted to leave. 

He was not remotely in the mood for this many obnoxious drunk teenagers all dancing around together blasting repetitive overplayed migraine-inducing top 40s songs from last summer. Normally he might have been a little more generous and at least humored the opportunity to watch inebriated morons trip over themselves and scream the wrong lyrics to well-known radio hits, but Oikawa had made sure his patience had run out well before they had even arrived. 

Before the invitation to this party had even left Oikawa’s lips, he had been making a historic play for his “most annoying volleyball captain” award. Not even mentioning the extra reps he had demanded throughout practice, which had dragged the third year scrimmage out a full hour over time despite arriving late himself because he refused to leave a group of first-year girls who had cornered him outside the gym before practice started, he had spent most of his time either bothering and provoking Iwaizumi or sending his signature service aces crashing onto the other side of the court and giving all the opposing receivers bruises in the process. 

“Do you have to be so extreme all the time?!” Iwaizumi had asked Oikawa as they walked to the showers after practice. “It’s exhausting dealing with you sometimes when you get like this.” 

“What? Little ole’ me?” Oikawa had replied feigning phony offense to the accusation, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” 

Liar.

“I mean all these extra practices and drills.” Iwaizumi told him, his lips flattening in annoyance. “I know you want to have the team at its best, I get that, really, I do, but all of this stacked on top of dealing with you in class and after school is draining as hell.” 

Oikawa cocked his head to the side and batted his eyelashes at Iwaizumi making a pouty face. 

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan. Forgive me?”

He was the most annoying person alive but fuck he looked cute doing that. Goddamn it. 

“Knock it off. Be serious.” Iwaizumi scoffed turning away to hide the blush on his face. 

“I’m always serious! I can’t help it that I am a people person and want everyone to do well. I’m just trying to be a good captain you know.” Oikawa said a little defensively. 

“It’s more than that though, the practices are one thing but pulling you away from your stupid fangirls and keeping you out of trouble is a full-time fucking job and believe me I am not being paid well enough for it.” 

Oikawa sighed dramatically as they pushed through the locker room doors and made their way to their gym lockers. 

“If I didn’t know better, Iwa-chan, I would say you sounded jealous.” He teased infuriatingly. 

Iwaizumi almost choked on his breath. 

“Shut up, idiot.” Was the response that sputtered out of his mouth as he undid his padlock and took out a clean shirt. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi had known each other since as early as either of them could remember and Iwaizumi had been in love with Oikawa for just as long. He had considered confessing about a million and a half times over the years but had always held himself back. Things had been a lot easier in the early days when little Tooru Oikawa was just the happy kid down the road with the big coke bottle glasses and a cute chubby face. But then, over the summer before the start of middle school, that moron just had to go and hit a growth spurt, get contacts, and blossom like a goddamn butterfly in a way that made Iwaizumi’s heart race. 

Once they started school, Iwaizumi was not the only one to notice the drastic change in Oikawa. He still remembers the first time a girl from their class handed him a love letter to give to Oikawa and the strange sour feeling it stirred in his stomach. 

That was the first time but it was far from the last. These days, Oikawa could usually expect at least one new confession a week and always had his own cheer section at their games that seemed to worship the ground he walked on. It made Iwaizumi sick. Of course, Oikawa almost never accepted the confessions, and when he dated it was almost always brief and reliably ended in heartbreak for at least one of them but Iwaizumi still hated to think about it. 

After all this time, and knowing how many other people were vying for his attention and affection, there was just no way Iwaizumi could say how he really felt. It would risk destroying their friendship and that was one thing Iwaizumi just couldn’t risk. Besides, why would someone with that many options pick someone like Iwaizumi? How could he ever expect someone as magnetic as Oikawa to feel the same way he did? No. It was better to keep those feelings to himself but that truth didn’t mean it didn’t also hurt every single time he thought about it. 

It wasn’t like he and Oikawa had ever talked about anything as personal as sexuality with each other explicitly, but Oikawa had always dated girls—even if unsuccessfully—and Iwaizumi didn’t date period. Part of Iwaizumi preferred not discussing things like that because at least when it remained unsaid, he could hold onto hope and imagine that he still had a chance…

“I’m just saying if you were nicer to people and more outgoing you’d probably have a girlfriend by now Iwa.” Oikawa shrugged as he lifted up his practice shirt and prepared to swap it out for a new clean and dry one. 

Iwaizumi’s words got lost in his throat as he was met with the sight of Oikawa’s bare chest and back with its lean muscle and slender shoulders rolling along elegant curved lines like he was sculpted personally by an artist in love. A hand with long dexterous fingers reaches over Oikawa’s shoulder as he reaches back to rub the muscle tenderly letting loose a soft moan as the muscle loosens and his entire back relaxes. 

It is exactly then that Iwaizumi realizes exactly how wrapped around Oikawa’s finger he really is. He is completely and helplessly entranced by a man he can never have and who has never shown the slightest interest in him. 

“What is that face for?” Oikawa’s voice interrupts. 

Iwaizumi jumps and looks up to see Oikawa’s face now staring back at him looking equal parts amused and curious. Alarm bells start going off inside his head. How long had he been staring? Had Oikawa noticed? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Did I get another bruise or something?” Oikawa asks in that spoilt whiney little voice of his that Iwaizumi can’t help but love. 

Oikawa looks down to examine his own back and chest for whatever imaginary imperfections he thinks Iwaizumi spotted on him. 

“No, sorry, just got lost in thought.” Iwaizumi hiccuped, hoping desperately he sounded convincing and casual enough to pass off his staring as a simple zone out. 

An eyebrow arches unconvinced on Oikawa’s face but eventually he just shrugs again and lets it go turning back to his locker. 

“Just think about what I said,” Oikawa instructs him. “You need someone in your life Iwaizumi, I know you and you won’t be happy on your own.” 

Iwaizumi feels his face fall as he realizes how right Oikawa actually is and how little he himself knows it.

But the worst part is, Iwaizumi can feel deep down that anyone else would just feel like a cheap impersonation. This is exactly why he has never shown the slightest interest in dating. There was only one person out there for Iwaizumi and he knew he didn’t stand a chance in ever having him. As irritating as it was, Iwaizumi didn’t want anyone else, but the someone he did want to have had no idea how badly he was wanted by him. 

“Not interested.” He deadpanned, rolling his eyes. 

Oikawa turned back to him with surprising force and a look of total shock on his face. Iwaizumi hadn’t even known that level of emotion could still be expressed on his face after so many years of carefully planned and rehearsed flirts and taunts masking whatever was really going on under his surface. 

“Iwa, oh my god don’t tell me…” Oikawa sputtered out, nearly horrified sounding, “do you already have a girlfriend you didn’t tell me about?!” 

Iwaizumi feels like someone whacked him in the stomach with a baseball bat. 

How the hell had Oikawa jumped to that? The mental gymnastics required to reach that assumption would have been almost impressive if the result wasn’t also so troublesome. 

He wants to deny it immediately and defend himself, but he stops himself. For just a second, it occurs to Iwaizumi that maybe it is just better to let Oikawa think that he does have someone else just to relieve some of the pressure he’s putting on Iwaizumi to find someone else. Plus, maybe it would defuse some of the tension he was sure he created when Oikawa had caught him staring at him while changing. 

Lying now would be protecting himself from suspicion and would certainly get Oikawa off his back. Maybe it could even be used as an excuse the next time Oikawa tried to set Iwaizumi up with one of the girls he had rejected—which was always a total nuisance and waste of time. 

“Maybe I do, I don’t see how it's any of your business though, Shitty-kawa.” Iwaizumi tells him, neither confirming nor denying but still giving a strong enough hint for someone as analytic as Oikawa to draw his own conclusions. 

“Oh my god! You totally do!” Oikawa almost shrieks out on the locker room causing the entire team to stop, turn, and stare. 

The eyes of all of their teammates glare over at them, waiting for some kind of explanation for that sudden outburst. 

“Everybody! Iwa-chan has a girlfriend!” Oikawa shouts, his voice cracking just a little at the end. 

“Ayy, nice job!” Hanamaki shouts, pumping a fist in the air. 

“Way to go, Iwaizumi!” Watari agrees. 

“Try and keep her longer than Oikawa does!” Matsukawa teases. 

“Rude!” Oikawa shouts back. 

The room erupts into laughter and Iwaizumi feels a few hands clap against his back in celebration as different teammates finish changing and leave the locker room to head home for the night. 

He tries to smile and make his lie as believable as possible but there is a growing pit of guilt in his stomach from the lie, and already he regrets it and wants to take it back. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Oikawa’s voice says quietly, a little embarrassed sounding. 

Iwaizumi looks over and sees that Oikawa’s head is bowed forward just slightly so that he can’t read the true expression. 

He almost sounds, sad? 

“It wasn’t a secret, it’s just no one asked.” Iwaizumi explains quickly, digging his own grave deeper and deeper with each and every word. 

“I see.” 

“Anyway, seriously, go easier at practice huh? The rest of us can’t keep up with you when you get all worked up. Someone like you is a lot to deal with, you know?” Iwaizumi tells him trying desperately to change the subject. 

His words made Oikawa wince like he had been slapped across the face. 

“Do I know her?” Oikawa asks, completely ignoring what he had said. 

Clearly, he was not letting this go. 

“No. She’s the daughter of some of my parent's friends.” Iwaizumi says, amazed at how quickly and easily the lie rolls of his tongue. 

He hates himself for it. 

Oikawa stops. 

“Oh. Wow.” He says in almost a whisper. “That sounds serious… congratulations.” 

Something strange and unreadable takes over his voice. Iwaizumi isn’t sure what it is but it is not something he has ever heard from Oikawa before. For having known him so long, that sends a shiver through Iwaizumi. 

“Are you okay?” He finds himself asking. 

Oikawa’s shoulders stiffen and then all of a sudden he spins around with a huge fake smile plastered to his face showing all of his teeth and hiding his eyes.

“Of course!” He beams, not meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes, “I’m so happy for you Iwa! Just can’t believe it took so long!” 

Iwaizumi feels a little pang of irritation but can also tell something weird is still up with Oikawa. He had always had a pretty good sense about that kind of thing, and even though Oikawa would never admit it to someone else, there must have been something serious on his mind. 

“Listen, I got an invitation to a house party tonight, I wasn’t planning to go but I think I will now.” Oikawa told him, “You should come and you should bring her with you, I’d love to meet her.” 

A little burst of panic shoots through Iwaizumi’s body. 

“Uhh sure,” he agrees awkwardly, trying to find a way to turn Oikawa down knowing full well that he can’t exactly bring his imaginary girlfriend with him. “She’s uh… pretty busy though so we’ll see I guess…” 

Oikawa just nods, still looking away. 

“What changed your mind?” Iwaizumi asks him, feeling his curiosity piqued. 

“About what?” 

“Going to the party.” 

He is quiet for a second. 

“Nothing really,” he says unconvincingly but forcing his voice to sound like he’s joking, “I guess getting drunk doesn’t sound so bad anymore.” 

Oikawa left pretty quickly after that leaving Iwaizumi to wonder what exactly was going on with him, and what he was supposed to do about this new mess he had created for himself. 

A few hours later, Iwaizumi found himself physically at the house party but mentally just wishing he could just leave and go home. He had texted Oikawa some excuse about his girlfriend having work and not being able to come but Oikawa had just read the message and not responded. If he was trying to piss Iwaizumi off, he was doing a fantastic job by inviting him to this stupid party and then totally flaking out on him. 

The thing that Oikawa had neglected to mention about this party was that it appeared that every single person in the Japanese high school volleyball scene had apparently been extended an invitation. Iwaizumi recognized players from Date Tech, Karasuno, Shiratorizawa, and even a few people from the Tokyo schools, Nekoma and Fukurodani, that Karasuno played with scattered through the party at varying levels of intoxication.   
When Iwaizumi had first walked in and seen Shirabu and Goshiki from Shiratorizawa, he found himself laughing quietly to himself and wondering if maybe it wasn’t better that Oikawa had decided not to come. Oikawa’s dislike of the Shiratorizawa team was pretty legendary and him showing up just to get into fights with the different players, which Iwaizumi would inevitably have to save him from, probably would not make anyone’s night more enjoyable. 

Still, there had always been something about the way that Oikawa got so worked up and passionate when it came to his many rivalries that Iwaizumi couldn’t help but admire. There was a certain look he would get on his face when Iwaizumi knew he was about to say something that would get him in trouble, and it had an inexplicable effect on Iwaizumi’s heart. 

Fuck man. He really had it bad. Fuck. 

Iwaizumi was still lost in thought when a drunk-looking first-year from Karasuno suddenly rammed into Iwaizumi’s back and nearly spilled the drink in his red solo cup all over the floor. 

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Iwaizumi had yelled, still off-balance before he noticed how sad the boy's eyes looked under the LED string lights lighting the party scene. 

“S-Sorry.” The boy stuttered, frowning miserably. 

He looked like he might start crying. 

Fuck—again. 

“Ah, geez, no I’m sorry. I overreacted. Don’t worry about it.” Iwaizumi told him. 

“Thanks.” The boy said, absently but relieved. 

Iwaizumi felt his eyes narrow as he looked down at this boy and realized he recognized him. 

“Hey, uh, Yamaguchi from Karasuno right? You’re number 12 with the jump float serve.” Iwaizumi asked the nervous-looking boy. 

He nodded quickly looking as startled by Iwaizumi as he was upset.

“Yeah. Iwaizumi from Aoba Johsai right?” 

“Right.” Iwaizumi confirmed. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something was wrong with the young pinch server. He had been told by more than a few people that he could be intense and intimidating but Iwaizumi had enough common sense to guess that just his reaction to being bumped into wasn’t worth getting this worked up over. Something else was definitely going on with him. 

“I don’t mean to pry or anything,” Iwaizumi prefaced, “but are you okay? Is something wrong?” 

If it had been one of his own first years from Seijo he probably could have cheered them up pretty quickly with some jokes and tough love, but he could tell already that Yamaguchi probably needed a gentler touch. 

Just asking him if he was okay seemed to be enough to bring him closer to tears. 

“Yeah, no there’s no problem.” He said unconvincingly, sniffling. 

“How about you try that one more time with fewer tears and then I’ll believe you.” Iwaizumi pushed. 

The boy's shoulders fell and he looked down shyly. 

“It’s not a real problem it’s just…uh… well… I kind of got into a fight with my-“ he began before stopping himself, “with someone, and it kind of shook me up. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.” Iwaizumi told him. 

Yamaguchi glanced nervously behind Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi turned and followed his line of sight over to the tall blonde middle blocker from Karasuno. The other first-year was staring angrily down at the floor as if avoiding eye-contact with everyone at the party on purpose. If Iwaizumi had to describe his body language, he would probably call it uncomfortable—this party was not this guy's idea of a good time either. 

He didn’t know either of them well but his memory of the two of them hanging out on the sidelines before and after games was clear enough that he had been able to tell they were close. The question was how close exactly. Iwaizumi knew from personal experience that this level of hurt required a pretty strong bond to start with. 

“It’ll be fine.” Iwaizumi tried to reassure the first year, “Whatever it was about I’m sure he’ll get over it.” 

Yamaguchi’s face turned a little red which made Iwaizumi doubly sure that his assessment of the situation had been correct. 

“It’s not something to get over exactly…” Yamaguchi mumbled biting his cheek. 

“Then what?” 

He took in a deep breath and pursed his lips in thought. 

“A lot of little things I guess.” He said dismally as if criticizing the blonde boy physically hurt him. “I’ve always admired Tsuki cause he’s cool and confident and makes me feel good and stuff but… lately I’ve been worried that he just doesn’t feel the same way I do. He’s hard to read and even I have been struggling to figure out what he’s thinking.” 

Iwaizumi could certainly relate to that on some level. 

“Sometimes he says mean things about people and usually it's funny and harmless but someone said something earlier that I can’t quite shake and now I don’t know if there’s a future for us.” 

So some jerk had stuck their nose in and made some comment to Yamaguchi that was making him question his relationship with the blonde? What a mess. 

“Maybe you should just talk to him about it.” Iwaizumi suggested, fully aware of the irony of him giving that advice at this particular moment. 

Yamaguchi scoffed a little like that was an obvious but impossible idea. 

“Believe me I tried, that’s why he’s so mad over there now. There is no talking to him. He doesn’t know how to talk about that kind of thing. He doesn’t get other people at all and just pisses people off and… I just… since that thing someone said before, I can’t get it out of my head that maybe we won’t be good together forever.” 

There was such palpable sadness and desertion in the boy’s voice and yet, selfishly, Iwaizumi found himself wishing that his own problem was ‘forever’ instead of ‘at all.’ 

It also amazed Iwaizumi that a first-year high school student was standing in front of him right now already worrying about ‘forever’ to begin with. He seemed so young to be worrying about the future like it was already set in stone but looking at this boy, how hurt he was, Iwaizumi could tell that that wasn’t what he needed to hear. 

“I wish I could fix it.” Iwaizumi told him lopsidedly, unsure of what else to say. “I wish things were different.” 

Yamaguchi nodded solemnly. 

“Are you here with the great ki-“ Yamaguchi began before his face lit up with embarrassment, “I mean Oikawa?” 

Iwaizumi puffed out a snort of a laugh at that ridiculous nickname the red-headed shorty from Karasuno had given Oikawa. Evidently, it had caught on which Iwaizumi decided was the very last thing Oikawa’s ego needed. 

“Nah, he invited me and I thought I’d run into him, but he hasn’t answered any of my texts since I got here so I guess he changed his mind about coming.” Iwaizumi said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. 

Even if he had only been invited because of a lie, the idea of spending time at a party with Oikawa—even one he was already sick and tired of—had sounded pretty nice. 

Yamaguchi’s eyebrow raised quizzically. 

“Are you sure? I thought I just saw him over in the other room?” 

Iwaizumi stopped. “Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, I was just getting a drink and saw him by the keg on the couch.” 

“Where?” 

Yamaguchi pointed through a door leading down into the basement. 

“I should warn you though,” Yamaguchi said hesitantly, “he seemed pretty… drunk.” 

I guess getting drunk doesn’t sound so bad anymore.

Oikawa’s words echoed in his memory. Oikawa had always had a rule against alcohol, he had always claimed it negatively impacted his game and almost never drank so Iwaizumi had assumed he was joking but that stupid idiot had actually meant it.

Protecting Oikawa from himself was easily the hardest part about caring about someone like him. When he got low, the first thing he instinctively leaned into was self-destruction. He always found some way to spiral and punish himself when things went wrong and Iwaizumi had always been the one to help pull him back up. 

Something was definitely wrong with him. 

“Goddamn it.” Iwaizumi hissed, pushing Yamaguchi out of the way and making his way down to the basement. 

Iwaizumi practically dropped down the basement steps in a single jump. He rounded the corner into the basement and saw a small crowd of people scattered on different mismatched thrift store couches arranged around a keg and a beer pong table with a game going in full swing. 

Iwaizumi scanned the room imagining, or maybe just hoping, that Yamaguchi had been mistaken. If Oikawa was here then that either meant he had lied to Iwaizumi outright or was just straight up avoiding him and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure which outcome was worse. 

He pushed past a group of girls by the entrance and moved towards the couches where time slowed and Iwaizumi saw none other than the missing team captain in a situation that his brain could not even begin to process. 

Oikawa was perched on a much larger man’s lap pressing his lips aggressively against the other man’s mouth and forcefully raking a hand through his short brown hair. The other man had one hand grounded on the back of Oikawa’s neck holding his head close and the other under his shirt and crawling up his back. 

The color drained out of Iwaizumi’s face. 

He wasn’t seeing this. No way. 

Oikawa’s head swayed rhythmically to one side and Iwaizumi got a clear view of the man whose lips and hands were currently all over the love of his life. 

It was Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

Oikawa was hardcore making out with Ushijima Wakatoshi and, based on the groaning and grinding he was witnessing, was enjoying it. 

Iwaizumi saw red. 

He lost all control of his body when he lurched across the room and grabbed the setter by the shoulder and yanked him off of the Shiratorizawa ace with all his strength. 

As Oikawa came free, he turned and saw Iwaizumi and his eyes widened. 

“Iwa-chan!” He yelled happily and extremely drunkenly. 

Iwaizumi was speechless. He had walked in on Oikawa kissing people before, that went with the territory of him being who he was, and yet strangely this felt so much worse. 

“Oikawa, what the fuck are you doing?!” Iwaizumi screamed, grabbing him by the shoulders to hold him steady and also so he wouldn’t be able to escape. 

“W-What does it look l-like?” He slurred back unsteadily.

“Like you just had your tongue down Ushiwaka’s throat, that’s what!” 

Oikawa couldn’t seem to help but giggle at that but then squirmed out of Iwaizumi’s grasp, almost tripping on the couch behind him and landing back on Ushijima’s lap. He raised an eyebrow at Iwaizumi and then leaned in close to his ear and whispered. 

“That’s because I was, silly!” His words came through like he was talking with cotton balls in his mouth after the dentist. 

Iwaizumi could have punched him then and there. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do that?!” 

“What a mean thing to say Iwa,” Oikawa scolded him, slumping back onto the couch. “I was just having fun celebrating your big announcement! I think I am still allowed to have fun even if you have a girlfriend.” 

There were so many things that Iwaizumi desperately wanted to say but the building confusion and anger inside him just made it hard to think. It was like there was TV static in his brain and all he could seem to come up with was more and more rage over what he was seeing. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair! What the fuck was happening?? 

Besides the fact that he had just seen Oikawa Tooru—his Oikawa Tooru—kissing another guy, why did it have to be Ushijima? He had hoped for something like this his entire life and yet in his dreams, it had always been him that Oikawa had drunkenly kissed at the party. Some part of him had hoped that maybe that would be enough to quell his childhood crush—plus it came with its own built-in excuse—even though he knew deep down it wouldn’t. What he felt for Oikawa wasn’t just some childhood crush and he couldn’t run from that fact forever, but it usually hurt too much to think about and so it was easier to just pretend and hope that in the end, he could convince even himself. But now, this had happened instead leaving one question repeating and banging against the walls of Iwaizumi’s skull over and over again.

Why not me?

“What are you gay now or something?” Was somehow what left his mouth. 

There were so many better ways to ask that but his mouth felt like an overpowered pressurized tap just shooting out words in a wild stream of enraged consciousness. 

Oikawa just stared back at him offended and shocked. 

“Why would you even care Mr. Has A New Girlfriend?” He spat. 

“Why do you keep bringing that up?” Iwaizumi snapped, “just leave it alone it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have anything to do with this!” 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and blew a strand of hair out of his eyes. 

“Whatever,” Oikawa said, standing up to leave. 

“No! Talk to me!” Iwaizumi begged, grabbing hold of Oikawa’s arm refusing to let him run away from this. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Oikawa told him loosely and then gestured with his head to a group of girls standing at the far end of the room huddled in their own little pack around a table of drink mixes. “I was making out with one or two of them earlier too. Maybe a blonde one or… no, there was definitely a brunette at some point… but that might have been Ushiwaka if that makes you feel better about it.” 

“Why the fuck would that make me feel better?” 

He shrugged and looked away. 

Oikawa wouldn’t even look at him now. How had this happened? Iwaizumi hadn’t even processed that it had happened in the first place and now it felt like it was forcing a wedge between them. It was breaking his heart. 

“W-Why would you do this?” Iwaizumi asked him softly, his grip loosening on Oikawa’s sleeve. 

Oikawa’s head rolled to face Iwaizumi and his eyes were hard and cold despite how much alcohol must have been circulating in his veins. 

“Why not? Seems like something someone like me would do.” He said bitterly before pushing Iwaizumi away and storming back up the stairs and out of sight. 

Iwaizumi felt his jaw clench and his fist harden into a ball at his side. 

Someone like him. Tooru Oikawa: insufferable perfectionist, volleyball addict, self-demolition expert, part-time playboy, full-time asshole. Take your pick. 

“Yeah, maybe it does.”

Iwaizumi’s heart was pounding beats in his ears when the voice in front of him finally decided to speak up 

“I should go.” Ushijima’s voice said as he stood up from the couch and passed Iwaizumi pressing his lips together into a neutral expression. 

“You think?!” Iwaizumi shouted, throwing his arms up in defeat. 

He collapsed back down onto the couch and felt his entire body slouch to fit the beaten piece of furniture’s shape. Adrenaline was coursing through his body and he could have sworn his hands and feet almost felt numb while his head spun. 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

Iwaizumi was regretting absolutely everything when he could have sworn he heard someone call his name. He looked up and around quickly but didn’t see anyone he recognized looking for him. 

“Iwaizumi!” The voice called again. 

This time, when he scanned the room he saw a figure with dark hair leaning ever so slightly out of one of the basement bedrooms waving for Iwaizumi to come closer. 

Iwaizumi didn’t exactly recognize the guy, he looked kind of familiar like maybe he had seen him somewhere before but couldn’t decide where. Given how many Japanese volleyball players were currently under one roof, Iwaizumi decided he must have known him vaguely from some game or another or maybe even from an article in one of the volleyball magazines. 

“What?” Iwaizumi asked, standing and making his way over to the boy in the doorway. “Do I know you?” 

“Not really.” The boy admitted. “But I couldn’t help but overhear you and I figured maybe you needed some privacy?” 

The boy widened the door he was sitting behind and revealed the bedroom had a stack of beanbags thrown about the floor just laying empty around the bed waiting to give someone a place to sit. 

What Iwaizumi really wanted was to leave this party and just go home as soon as possible, but just after Oikawa had stormed off to leave Iwaizumi had realized that he didn’t even know whose house this was or even really where he was and he certainly wasn’t positive he remembered the way back to the train station on his own after all of that chaos. 

He needed to calm down before he left anyway, his heart was still beating from sheer shock and anger after everything and that he had seen. This looked as good a place as any to get control of his nerves back plus at least, in here, he could be as close to alone as he was going to get at a stranger’s house party. 

“Thanks… uh?” He said, drawing out the end of the word just to make it clear that he was asking the dark-haired boy for his name. 

“Call me Akaashi.” He supplied, scooting out of the way on a green beanbag by the doorway. 

That name rang a bell somewhere inside Iwaizumi’s head. Iwaizumi thought about it for a second and realized why that name and face seemed so familiar. 

“You’re the setter for Fukurodani, right?” Iwaizumi asked him. “With that Bokuto guy who is always in Volleyball Monthly.” 

Akaashi stopped and his eyelids drooped. His lips clamped together and he nodded slowly. 

“That’s me.” He said a little tiredly. 

“He seems like a… fun? guy.” Iwaizumi tried. 

He had seen recordings of Fukurodani’s games before and Bokuto’s antics and personality were pretty legendary for being unpredictable. Still, he had seemed like an interesting person and was also really the only thing Iwaizumi knew about this Akaashi guy who had been nice enough to invite him in. 

“Fun…” Akaashi repeated emptily, nodding, “yeah, fun.” 

There was a slight coldness in his voice but, not knowing Akaashi well, Iwaizumi didn’t know if it was okay to push him for more information. He didn’t want to overstep but honestly, he was desperate for a distraction and so anything he could do to take his mind off of Oikawa right now would be a welcome change of scenery. 

“Everything okay?” He ventured tentatively. 

Akaashi just looked over at Iwaizumi kind of surprised. 

“U-Uh yeah t-there’s no problem.” He stammered. 

Clearly, it wasn’t. 

For a party, Iwaizumi observed, most people here didn’t seem to be having a very good time. In a roundabout, convoluted, ‘misery loves company’ kind of way, that made him feel a little better. 

But still, if Akaashi really didn’t want to talk about it, Iwaizumi wasn’t going to force him. 

“Okay.” Iwaizumi agreed, dropping himself into a red beanbag chair across from Akaashi facing the door. 

“Is this your house?” Iwaizumi asked him, wondering if a question on a different, more innocuous, question might get him to open up a little. 

“Huh? No.” 

“Oh, I just thought maybe this was your room or something since you were in here and invited me.” Iwaizumi explained. 

“I don’t actually know who lives here. Bokuto-san dragged me here.” Akaashi sulked. 

Damn. Then who the fucks party was this? 

“Oh. Gotcha.” Iwaizumi said, already seeing that small mention of Bokuto at work behind Akaashi’s eyes.

Akaashi sighed and slouched back in his chair exhausted. 

“I admire Bokuto-san a lot but I just don’t always understand him.” Akaashi began, frowning. “He has so much energy and so much potential but sometimes at practice and when we’re alone it’s like he doesn’t know what to do with it all and can’t be serious. I’ve been trying to help him plan for his future because he’s a third-year and will be graduating in a few months but he won’t sit still long enough to think about anything other than the present. I just want to help but it’s like everything I say goes in one ear and out the other sometimes…” 

Iwaizumi was immediately reminded of the way Yamaguchi had spoken about the Karasuno middle blocker. Akaashi used the same pained tone of voice when he criticized Bokuto. It was clear he looked up to him a lot and was really close to the Fukurodani ace and so having anything not glowingly positive to say about him must have felt like a betrayal—especially from someone a year younger talking about his upperclassman. 

“It speaks well of you that you care enough to try though.” Iwaizumi told him. 

Akaashi shrugged wretchedly, not buying it. 

“Where is Bokuto anyway, did he come tonight?” Iwaizumi asked, noticing that it was strange for Akaashi to be alone at this party and hiding out in this bedroom instead of mingling with the others upstairs. 

Though maybe that wasn’t fair since Iwaizumi was doing the same thing. 

“Yeah, we were supposed to study together tonight cause Bokuto has to take his exit exams soon and needs to pass them before he can try out for the pro-teams he’s interested in. But of course… he couldn’t focus so we ended up here instead. Last I checked he was upstairs helping set up a volleyball net in the backyard.” 

From what little Iwaizumi knew about Bokuto, he was temperamental and infamous for having dramatic mid-game mood swings which must have been frustrating for someone as composed and careful as Akaashi seemed to be. Rumors about Akaashi and Bokuto’s relationship always seemed to agree that they understood each other on a deep level and that Akaashi was one of the few people that could really motivate Bokuto and keep him on track. Iwaizumi could certainly relate to that portion if nothing else and so he understood how tiring that could become if the other person didn’t always feel receptive to help. With Oikawa, a good slap upside the head could usually get his attention but Bokuto was probably not so simple. 

And just like that, Iwaizumi was thinking about Oikawa again. 

Fuck. 

That image of Oikawa sprawled out on top of Ushijima flashed before his eyes like it was seared into his eyelids—forcing him to relive that horrible moment every time he blinked. Why did this have to happen? Why did everything have to change in an instant like this? Why had Oikawa done this to him? 

He couldn’t help it but the longer Iwaizumi thought about it, the angrier he became and the emotions that had begun to boil over from the moment he had walked in on them came rolling back to life. Iwaizumi dug his nails into his palm and bit his lip. 

Stupid fucking Shitty-kawa. 

“Iwaizumi?” Akaashi’s voice asked out of nowhere, shaking Iwaizumi out of his quickly spiraling stupor. 

“Huh?” Iwaizumi asked, jumping a little, startled. 

“S-Sorry, there was a strange look on your face. Are you mad about something?” Akaashi asked him. 

So the rumors were true, he was just as perceptive as people said after all. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Iwaizumi told him, leaning back into the beanbag and trying to get his expression back under control. “It’s not something that can be fixed right now anyway no matter how much I wish I could.” 

Akaashi just stared back at him curiously. 

“I’m sorry.” He attempted. 

“Don’t be.” 

“Sometimes I wish things were different too.” 

There was a bitterness in Akaashi’s voice that Iwaizumi definitely recognized. It was not the kind of tone that someone used unless they were talking about someone they truly cared about a lot. 

If the rumors about their on-court interaction were true… then Iwaizumi began to wonder about the others. 

“Can I ask you something personal Akaashi?” Iwaizumi prompted, “if you don’t want to answer, I understand.” 

The boy’s dark eyes widened. 

“Uh, sure?” 

“You and Bokuto,” Iwaizumi began, “are you two together, like _together_ together?” 

Iwaizumi wasn’t totally sure what reaction he had been expecting but, maybe based just on his own internal issues, he had expected something a little more noncommittal or evasive than what he got.

Akaashi just nodded immediately and casually like it was the easiest thing to confirm he had ever been asked. 

“Yeah, we are.” 

Admittedly, Iwaizumi was in awe of him. That effortless answer was something Iwaizumi had always wished for himself but had never imagined would sound so free and painless. His face went a little red but he wasn’t sure if it was because the honesty surprised him or because he was jealous of how easy Akaashi made it all seem. 

Just then, both Iwaizumi and Akaashi nearly leaped out of their seats as the sound of a door slamming above them jolted their attention up to the ceiling overhead. The room shook with force and the voices from the party seemed to hush before the sound of footsteps pounding down the stairs could be heard and a voice mumbling to itself and sniffling rounded a corner before trying the handle on the bedroom door where Akaashi and Iwaizumi were hiding. 

The door swung open and the form of that Karasuno first year, Yamaguchi, appeared with shaking shoulders and red eyes in the doorway. He saw Akaashi and Iwaizumi and nearly slipped out of his skin before hopping backward, startled by their presence. 

“Oh! S-Sorry!” He squeaked, his voice trembling and his nose starting to run. 

Just as he began to back up and close the door behind him, Iwaizumi and Akaashi made eye contact and agreed quickly that something was wrong and Yamaguchi probably needed some help or at least a quiet place to calm back down after whatever had just happened upstairs. 

“Yamaguchi!” Iwaizumi called after him. 

“Huh?” The first year stopped in his tracks and glanced back over his shoulder nervously. 

“Come in, it’s fine, take a break.” Iwaizumi offered him. 

“There’s plenty of space.” Akaashi agreed chiming in and pointing to an empty blue beanbag chair halfway between the two of them. 

Yamaguchi’s lips trembled but he nodded gratefully looking like he might start crying. 

“Thanks.” He slipped into the room and collapsed into the chair before dragging his hands down his face to wipe away the tears. 

“A-Are you okay?” Akaashi asked him, concerned. 

Yamaguchi looked up at him joylessly and shook his head. 

“I just got into a big fight with Tsuki and he stormed out.” He mumbled biting at the inside of his cheek. 

“Was that what that sound was?” Iwaizumi asked looking up at the ceiling as if somehow that would give him more information. 

“Yeah, we might have made a bit of a scene up there… sorry…” 

“What did I tell you before?” Iwaizumi tried to say as kindly as he could, “Don’t apologize.” 

A small smile tugged at Yamaguchi’s lips but his eyes were pure sadness. 

“Did you confront him again about what you were talking about earlier?” Iwaizumi prodded. 

The boy nodded, crestfallen. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed it, it wasn’t the right time, I just made things so much worse…” 

“I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” Akaashi tried despite not being at all up to date on what Iwaizumi and Yamaguchi had talked about before. 

“Maybe not, but still…” 

“He seems hard to deal with.” Iwaizumi gambled, remembering the cold and calculating way the blonde had interacted with his fellow players at one of their games earlier in the season. 

“It wasn’t always that way…” Yamaguchi mumbled. 

“Well you said yourself that he’s not good with people.” Iwaizumi reminded him. 

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi scowled, “I just wanted him to try being a little nicer to people and put some real effort into something for once.” 

There was a twang of irritation in his voice that sounded coarse and grinding. 

“And he got mad?” 

“So mad,” Yamaguchi confirmed, his face twisting in helpless frustration. “Is it really too much to ask that he try to be something a little bit different? He’s being unreasonable. I’m trying to help him! Why can’t he see that?” 

Iwaizumi could see how Yamaguchi’s anger was doubling down on his words and probably making him sound even harsher than he meant to. He had done the same to Oikawa which just made him agree with Yamaguchi even more. 

“Idiots don’t always know what’s good for them and never listen.” Iwaizumi agreed, crossing his arm and frowning with his teeth pressed together hard. 

“You just try to help them and it’s like they think you’re attacking them!” Akaashi joined in suddenly, his expression turning to stone. 

“Right! Like, excuse me for wanting what is best for you!” Yamaguchi complained throwing his hands up in the air. 

Iwaizumi could feel his own anger starting to snowball again and couldn’t help but get rolled back up in it. 

“They do it to themselves!” He agreed hearing the hurt in his own voice. 

“You were right before, Iwaizumi,” Akaashi told him slanted. 

“About what?” 

“When you said that you wished you could just fix it. If things were different, then none of these problems would exist and everything would be fine again.” Akaashi said pouting a little. 

It was like every person in the room’s anger was mixing together in a pot and adding and combining to create something that was even greater than the sum of its parts. Iwaizumi was mad about his own problems, but at this moment, he was mad for Akaashi and Yamaguchi too. He could feel his better judgment draining away and now his words were just rolling away from him now like they couldn’t escape his brain fast enough and he just needed to vent them out before he exploded. The exasperation and outrage in the room was becoming thick in the air like a toxic corrosive poison but no one could stop themselves from pouring everything they had been holding inside out once they got going. 

Everything was so incredibly fucked up and it was all Oikawa’s stupid moronic fault.

“Oikawa fucked me over,” Iwaizumi growled. 

“Tsuki fucked _me_ over.” Yamaguchi joined in, trying out those words in his mouth like they were completely new and foreign in his vocabulary. 

Akaashi’s mouth nearly fell open but he stopped and considered what Iwaizumi and Yamaguchi had said before frowning himself. 

“Bokuto fucked me over!” He finally seemed to decide as if realizing it for the first time himself. 

“God, I just fucking wish everything was different!” Iwaizumi hissed, pounding a fist against the floor next to him. 

“I wish _they_ were different.” Yamaguchi agreed, staring holes into the carpet. 

“What do you wish exactly?” A voice suddenly asked and everyone in the room froze. 

All eyes drifted over to the corner of the room where a boy with dark hair and eyes and ghostly pale skin sat on the bed pressed tightly into the corner. 

Iwaizumi, Akaashi, and Yamaguchi reflexively lurched backward in shock and nearly fell out of their seats. They all met eyes with each other and the expressions on everyone's faces clearly asked the same question with the same bewilderment. 

Who is that guy? 

Had he been there the whole time? 

“Oh my god, sorry, I had no idea you were in here!” Akaashi apologized quickly. 

The boy looked unbothered. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He chuckled. 

“W-Who are you?” Yamaguchi whispered. 

The boy's expression didn’t change at all. It was actually kind of creepy how emotionless and almost inhuman he looked; especially hidden away in the corner of the room like that. 

Iwaizumi didn’t recognize him at all. It was a busy party but most people here looked at least vaguely familiar from volleyball or school in one way or another. This boy, however, he did not know in the slightest. 

“That’s not important.” The boy told them. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation before and it caught my interest.” 

There was something kind of spooky in his voice. His voice sounded like he was laughing but there was no sign of the same humor in his eyes or on his face. 

“Oh sorry,” Yamaguchi said for lack of a better response. 

“You apologize too much.” The boy observed. 

“Sorry.” 

“That’s hilarious.” The boy chuckled humorlessly. “I bet that Tsuki guy you were talking about before makes you apologize all the time, right?” 

Yamaguchi looked taken aback. There was obvious panic on his face as his first instinct was still probably to defend the blonde blocker but his anger over their fight was clashing with that loyalty leaving him unsure how to respond. 

“Yeah, he can be so mean sometimes and… I hate it.” He said, looking down at the floor in shame. 

“And you.” The boy moved on pointing at Akaashi, “I bet you’re mad because Bokuto can’t take anything seriously and just goofs off all the time, right? It’s not fair of him to treat you like that.” 

The same conflicting emotions that had flashed across Yamaguchi’s face flickered through Akaashi’s. 

Who was this guy? Why did he care so much? 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel like the boy was being kind of intrusive and nosey. Something about this made the hair on Iwaizumi’s neck stand on end. It felt wrong. 

“Yes…” Akaashi finally agreed, “sometimes he’s just too much and I can’t… he shouldn’t…” 

The boy wasn’t asking anymore either, Iwaizumi noticed, it was like he was telling Akaashi how he felt and Akaashi was agreeing. 

Why was he doing that?

Akaashi’s voice trailed off as he frowned and broke eye contact with the boy on the bed. 

The figure’s dark hollow eyes drifted over to Iwaizumi and an inhuman kind of smile slipped across his face like some kind of reptile watching its prey. 

“And you feel taken advantage of don’t you? He’s a liar and a flirt. It’s not fair.” He prompted. 

Iwaizumi felt his heart speed up. Suddenly the air around him seemed almost too thick and he couldn’t seem to breathe or focus inside it. The sound around him droned out as the boy seemed to look into Iwaizumi’s soul and read his thoughts. Iwaizumi felt cold and trapped but soon found himself talking even though he hadn’t meant to. It was like the words were being pulled out of his by force and wouldn’t stop. 

“He’s too unpredictable and charming for his own fucking good, he doesn’t deserve it.” 

The boy nodded almost gleefully. 

“That’s right.” He coaxed, nodding encouragingly.

Oikawa had caused these problems after all, right? So why did Iwaizumi suddenly feel so empty and guilty inside? 

“So what do you actually wish for?” He asked, his voice was cold and empty like ice but strangely alluring and hypnotic. 

“I wish they were different.” Iwaizumi heard his voice say. 

Did he say that? 

His head suddenly felt light and dizzy even though he hadn’t had anything to drink all night. 

The boy's eyelids narrowed, pleased. 

“Careful what you wish for.” The boy sneered, the sharp unspeakably old, and powerful tone of his voice sounding like a steel blade scraping against stone. “It might just come true.” 

And just like that, Iwaizumi felt the room start to spin and he lost consciousness as that cruel cold voice laughed all around him and it began to dawn on Iwaizumi that he had just made a deal with the devil.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2!! I've never written for Yamaguchi or Tsukishima before so this was a bit of an experiment for me and I hope I was able to capture their essence well for this! I'll certainly keep trying to get better with writing for some of these newer characters as I go on so hopefully I'll be able to do them justice soon haha. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this new chapter and will come along with me on this journey! Xx

**—Yamaguchi—**

Yamaguchi had a cramp in his stomach starting the moment he woke up. He hadn’t slept well through most of the night and now for some reason he felt even worse. There wasn’t even a good explanation for it either. If he had a big test he was nervous about or if they were going to be playing in a high-pressure tournament today he would understand the feeling of stress that was churning in his stomach, but today was going to be a perfectly normal day so he just couldn’t understand why he felt so strange. 

He glanced over at the alarm clock on his nightstand and saw flashing red numbers that didn’t make any sense. His heart lurched into his throat as he lifted his chin towards the window behind his bed and saw how bright it already was outside. The power must have gone out in the middle of the night and now he had slept in. 

Shit. 

Yamaguchi threw his whole body weight forward as he leaped out of his bed and onto his feet. It was a cool morning and he felt a shiver run through him as his bare legs touched the autumn air. 

Glancing around his room he saw his uniform bottoms in a pile on the floor and his shirt hanging haphazardly from a hanger off of his closet doorknob. As quickly as he could, he plucked them off the ground and jumped into them realizing he needed to get ready fast if he had any hope of getting to school on time. 

He was buttoning his shirt with one hand and brushing his teeth with the other when he heard a knock at the front door downstairs. He hurriedly spit out the toothpaste and jumped down the stairs, taking them two at a time, to answer the door. 

As soon as the door swung open, he saw the tall slim figure of Tsukishima waiting for him outside. 

“You alright?” The blond asked him, glancing down at his wrinkled pants and the misaligned buttons on his shirt. 

“Slept in,” Yamaguchi admitted, embarrassed. “Sorry.” 

He rubbed the back of his head causing Tsukishima to chuckle and roll his eyes. 

“Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t waiting long. You almost ready to go?” 

“Yeah, one second,” Yamaguchi answered, equal parts relieved and jittery. 

One on hand, Tsukishima had waited for him and was being perfectly understanding which made him glad but on the other, that strange feeling from his dreams wouldn’t seem to fade away and he couldn’t help but still feel anxious from it. Maybe he had just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today? 

Yamaguchi reached inside his house and grabbed his school bag from the floor by the coat rack and slipped on his black team jacket before locking the door behind him. 

Tsukishima waited patiently for him, staring down at his phone with the headphones around his neck blasting some kind of alternative rock music that wasn’t really Yamaguchi’s taste but had been a recent interest of Tsuki’s. It was strange that he didn’t have the headphones actually covering his ears but the music was still loud enough that they both could hear it clearly anyway. 

“Is that the new album you were talking about?” Yamaguchi asked him, gesturing with his head to the phone in Tsukishima’s hand. 

They had been talking about that album’s release date last night on their walk back from practice but for the life of him, Yamaguchi just could not remember the name of it or even the band that had recorded it. 

Tsukishima nodded absently flipping around on the phone as they began to walk away from Yamaguchi’s house and towards the school. 

“It’s alright,” Tsuki finally said shrugging casually, “it’s a little more commercial than their earlier stuff but it’s not bad either.” 

“What’s your favorite song on it so far?” Yamaguchi asked him, watching him with interest and rubbing his hands together for warmth. 

“I don’t know. They’re all fine.” That was all Tsuki had to say. 

Yamaguchi felt his shoulders slump a little. He wasn’t sure exactly what kind of answer he had been expecting but he had been hoping for something a little more impassioned. Of course, Yamaguchi didn’t really care about the album but he had thought Tsuki did and it might have been a good way to start a conversation for their walk but Tsuki didn’t seem to be willing to participate. 

Tsukishima had always been one of the coolest and most interesting people Yamaguchi had ever known. There was just something about the way he took everything in stride and had the confidence and composure to not care what other people thought about him that made him everything in life that Yamaguchi had never been. That aura and energy had been the first thing that had attracted him to the blond when they first met and had become one of the things that eventually made Yamaguchi realize that he wanted their relationship to be more than it had been before. 

When Yamaguchi had first brought up the idea of becoming more than friends to each other, he had been afraid that Tsukishima would reject him outright or be horrified at the idea or something else terrible that would break Yamaguchi’s heart. Still, he had forced himself to try—after all the worst thing he could say was no right? So when he finally had finally built up enough courage to ask a few months ago, he had been in absolute awe of Tsukishima who had smiled and said that he had been wanting to say the same for a while. 

Part of Yamaguchi hadn’t believed his luck but the part of him deep down that had been assuming he would be rejected was now terrified that it had worked. He had never really planned to receive a ‘yes’ so now he didn’t really know what to do. This was his first real relationship and it was with someone he had known and loved for most of his life which sometimes just felt like extra pressure that scared him. 

After all, what if they broke up one day? Would that just be the end? Or even stranger, what if they didn’t?

It occurred to Yamaguchi for the first time that day when Tsukishima had agreed to take their relationship further, that at the end of their road together, they would either end up together forever or they would break up. There were only two options and both twisted his stomach. 

Of course, Tsukishima wasn’t much help talking about it either. He didn’t like to talk about his feelings and seemed to genuinely prefer pretending he didn’t have any. It was like he was afraid of opening up but Yamaguchi couldn’t really understand why. 

Still, every time the blond smiled at him now or held his hand and kissed his lips, all the unknown what-ifs didn’t seem so scary. Having him waiting outside his house every morning to walk to school together also wasn’t so bad. In fact, every morning seemed brighter when he knew who was waiting for him outside. Things were good really, so why did he still feel so insecure? 

“Are we playing that practice game tonight or on Monday?” Yamaguchi asked, knowing the answer was Monday but just wanting to hear Tsukishima’s voice anyway. 

“Monday.” He said simply, staring straight ahead. 

“Right,” Yamaguchi responded, disappointed that his gambit to start a deeper conversation had failed. 

They walked in silence for a while longer before the school came into view over the hill they were climbing. It was just as the voices of students gathering outside in the front yard of the school could start to be heard, that Tsukishima’s shoulders started to get tense. Yamaguchi noticed it immediately and couldn’t help but think it was odd. Very few things bothered Tsuki enough to actually make him physically tense up. Did he have something on his mind? 

The walk had been so quiet and uncomfortable that Yamaguchi suddenly felt nervous. What could he want to talk about? What was bothering him this much? 

“Hey… uh Tadashi?” Tsukishima’s voice asked him tightly. 

“Y-yeah?” Yamaguchi responded, hiccuping in fright. 

What was this about? Was it something bad? 

Yamaguchi suddenly felt his hands go cold and the color drain out of his face. 

What if Tsukishima was also noticing how weird that walk was? What if Tsukishima was being distant on purpose? 

Oh god… what if he was going to break up with him?? 

No. No. No. 

“I wanted to s-say something-“ Tsuki began slowly, giving Yamaguchi just enough time to feel his blood pressure skyrocket and panic to hit him like a bullet. 

He couldn’t do this right now. He couldn’t handle this. 

“S-Sorry, just remembered I have to go talk to Takeda Sensei before class starts!” Yamaguchi suddenly blurted out. 

Tsuki stopped and his eyes widened. “Oh… uh…” 

“See you later!” Yamaguchi managed to choke out as he literally ran away. 

His heart was pounding as he ran inside the school building. He changed his shoes and made a dead sprint towards the teacher offices despite knowing very well he didn’t have anything to talk to Takeda about and he had just needed an excuse to delay whatever it was that Tsukishima had been trying to tell him. 

The fear had gotten the best of him and now as he skulked down the hallway, he bit his lip and felt his face fall. He was such a coward. 

By the time Yamaguchi actually looked up, he was on the second floor near the windows overlooking the front lawn. He felt his tongue nervously slide across his teeth as his jaw jutted out sideways. 

From where he stood, Yamaguchi could see Tsukishima standing out on the front lawn right where Yamaguchi had left him. He must have been waiting for the school bell to ring with the rest of the students outside but seeing him just standing alone in the yard like that struck Yamaguchi with a pang of guilt. Maybe he had overreacted? Maybe Tsukishima hadn’t wanted to say something bad and everything was fine? 

He seriously hated how easily certain things made him anxious—especially when it came to Tsuki. It was like all his common sense went out of the window and he just let his nerves take control of him. Ever since they had become a couple, it was like Yamaguchi didn’t even know how to interact with Tsuki anymore and he hated that more than anything. 

“That’s the guy down there.” A girl's voice a few meters away sang out excitedly, shaking Yamaguchi out of his rapidly spiraling trance. 

“The tall blond?” The girl’s friend asked her next. 

Yamaguchi felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes drifted over to the two girls watching out the front window onto the yard, same as him. He followed their line of sight and swallowed hard when he saw that, without a doubt, they were talking about Tsukishima. 

“Yeah, that’s him. I slipped a note into his locker this morning confessing everything.” The first girl giggled. 

“Wow! Yui, you are so bold!” Her friend encouraged. “I heard Himari from Class 3 confessed to him after school on Tuesday.” 

“Aww what? No way!” Yui pouted, her lips jutting out childishly. “That is so unfair…” 

“H-hey look at that!” Her friend hissed out in a sudden whisper jamming her finger hard against the glass window. 

Yamaguchi turned his attention back to the yard slowly and saw a small black-haired girl with big eyes and a red hair bow walking up to Tsukishima with a little skip in her step. 

“Isn’t that Aoi from Class 4?” Yui’s friend hushed in awe. 

“B-But she’s a second-year…” Yui gaped in response. “We don’t stand a chance against someone like her!”

Yamaguchi’s knees were starting to feel like they were made of gelatin. What was this feeling? Was he angry? Sad? Jealous? Some cocktail of all of the above? 

He watched with helpless horror as the beautiful second-year talked to Tsukishima. She twisted her long hair around a finger and laughed visibly, throwing her whole body into the movement and brushing a hand against Tsuki’s arm. 

Yamaguchi wanted to throw up. 

Things like this had happened before, something about Tsukishima’s cool-guy vibe had always seemed to attract girls and Yamaguchi had to admit the height and his brains were certainly factors too but it hadn’t always made him feel so twisted up inside. Pretty reliably Tsukishima turned down the girls that confessed to him and showed very little interest so Yamaguchi had never feared very much that he might be taken away but now that they were together, it felt like he had so much more to lose. From what those girls had said, this was the third confession he had gotten in a week and now he was getting them from older girls too… 

Had this been what Tsuki had wanted to talk to him about? Was all this attention making him rethink their relationship? Maybe Tsuki really did want to break up… 

Before he even had a chance to think, Yamaguchi realized his body was in motion and he was running back down the stairs towards the front lockers at the school. 

As he rounded the corner, he saw that dark-haired girl with the bow—Aoi—walking in with a sour look on her face. 

“H-Hey what were you talking to Tsukishima about out there?” Yamaguchi heard himself practically yell across the room. 

The girl stopped and looked up startled and shocked to see Yamaguchi standing in front of her. She looked at him for a second like she was trying to figure out if she knew him or not when her eyes suddenly narrowed and her lips puckered into a bitter scowl. 

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” She shot at him, rolling her eyes and slipping her walking shoes off. 

“I-I saw you two talking out there, I want to know what it was about!” Yamaguchi insisted, feeling his face redden. 

Even though they had been together for almost three months and most of their friends and teammates knew by now, it was never the kind of thing they had felt pressured to be public about so most other people had no idea that Tsukishima was in a relationship at all. For however long it was going to last now of course… 

Aoi just glared back at him. 

Had Tsukishima turned her down? Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel a sudden burst of relief and joy at that thought. After what he had heard those girls talking about, he had let himself question everything but maybe there wasn’t anything to be worried about after all. 

“He’s an asshole.” She told him sharply. “You can do better.” 

Now, Yamaguchi felt his face light up like a Christmas tree. 

“W-What a-are you talking about?” He tried to chuckle, hoping he could brush off that comment and make it all sound like a joke. 

Aoi just rolled her eyes, bored. 

“Pretend all you want, but just know that there’s no future with bitter mean people who can’t love. That guy is going to be miserable his whole life because that is who he is. Don’t get caught up in it.” She sneered, slipping on her last shoe and slamming her locker door to walk away.

“H-Hey that’s not fair!” Yamaguchi argued, stepping in her way and not letting her through. “You don’t get to talk about him like that. You don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

“I know enough. I know men like him.” She told him angrily, “And I know that mean-spirited people who can’t admit their feelings aren’t worth anything in a relationship. They’ll never give you what you want back. There’s no future with him. You are wasting your time. He doesn’t care about anything much less someone like you. Don’t make me laugh.” 

With that, she pushed past him and disappeared down the hallway and out of sight, leaving Yamaguchi in silence, her words ringing in his ears at a deafening volume. 

Her voice was harsh and grating but her words stabbed into Yamaguchi’s chest like knives. 

Every nerve and cell in Yamaguchi’s body wanted to fight and argue and deny but those words stung just enough that his mouth fell silent. 

Was she right? 

Tsuki had a way of coming across cold and callous and uncaring, that was certainly true, but that wasn’t who he really was deep down, right? Yamaguchi had known him for so long and had seen different sides to him that he hadn’t shown anyone else. She didn’t know anything about him. She was just bitter and angry she had been turned down. That must have been it. 

“Yo Tadashi!” Tsukishima’s voice suddenly rang out. 

Yamaguchi looked up and saw his boyfriend walking through the front door and waving him down. 

“How was Takeda?” He asked casually, popping his locker open. 

“Who?” 

“Teaches contemporary literature, is the advisor for the volleyball club.” Tsukishima reminded him, laughing. “Didn’t you say you needed to talk to him?” 

“Uh, he wasn’t in yet.” Yamaguchi heard himself lie. 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow but said nothing. 

“Maybe you can track him down at lunch?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Hey, so there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” Tsukishima said, sending Yamaguchi shooting back into fight-or-flight. 

“O-Oh yeah?” 

There was still a sense of anxiety around Tsukishima that Yamaguchi just couldn’t put his finger on. It was so unlike him. 

“I-I uh…” Tsukishima glanced away and sucked in a breath between his teeth before sighing dejectedly, “are you busy tonight?” 

The tone in Tsuki’s voice seemed to change. Instead of nervous, when he asked his question, he sounded defeated. Yamaguchi had been subconsciously preparing himself for the worst and had been wincing away as if expecting a slap to the face and so this change in Tsukishima was not what he had expected. 

Was this really what Tsukishima had been wanting to ask him earlier? 

“Uh yeah, I think so. Why?” Yamaguchi asked him carefully. 

Tsuki went quiet as if considering his words carefully and second-guessing himself before finally doubling down. 

“I heard about a party going on out of town and thought we should go.” He said emptily. 

“A-A party?” Yamaguchi couldn’t help but stutter out. 

There was probably nothing in life that Yamaguchi could think of that Tsukishima would normally like less than a house party out of town on a Friday night. 

“Yeah.” 

“Are you sure? That doesn’t really sound like your scene?” Yamaguchi chuckled. 

This was weird. This was definitely weird. 

“Do you want to go or not?” Tsukishima grumbled miserably. 

After everything he had been worried about this morning, Tsukishima asking him on a date to a party where they could be together seemed like a dream. 

“Yeah, of course,” Yamaguchi said, his face folding into a smile. “That sounds fun.” 

“Okay, cool. I’ll come by around 7 and we’ll catch a train over.” Tsuki said, his voice sounding tight and pained at the idea. 

“We don’t have to go.” Yamaguchi reminded him, noticing the look on his face. 

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but think he looked a little bit like Kageyama trying to choose a snack from the vending machines before practice. 

“It’ll be fun.” Tsukishima shot back, sounding extremely unconvinced at himself. 

Before Yamaguchi could say anything else, Tsukishima leaned down and planted a kiss on Yamaguchi’s cheek sending a bright red flush across his face. As soon as his lips left Yamaguchi’s skin, he turned and was rushing away muttering something angrily under his breath leaving Yamaguchi standing alone in complete stunned silence. 

After that, the school day passed in no time at all. Yamaguchi couldn’t seem to forget the feeling of Tsuki’s lips on his cheek and the bubbling excitement for the party blooming inside his chest. 

This was proof after all that Tsukishima wasn’t any of the things Aoi had said. She was a liar after all. He did care, he was kind, he was good. There was a future. 

So why was there a nagging cramp in Yamaguchi’s stomach telling him otherwise? 

At 7 O’Clock sharp that night there was a knock at Yamaguchi’s door and he didn’t even have to check to know that it was Tsukishima. 

The two of them walked to the station in near silence and rode the train a few stops south without saying much more. 

“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi finally asked Tsukishima as they exited the train and began their walk into a residential neighborhood. 

It wasn’t that not talking was particularly unusual for Tsukishima but after this out-of-character invitation from him, Yamaguchi just felt on guard. 

Why did everything have to be so hard all the time? 

Part of Yamaguchi missed how easy things had been before either of them had confessed. He didn’t regret it of course, but it was plain enough to see that things had been simpler before and that while something new had certainly been gained, a sense of familiarity had been lost as well. 

Before, they had basically been able to read each other's minds and could easily have entire conversations without saying a word. When they hung out, they could sit on either side of a room on their phones or watching TV but still leave feeling like they had had the best days of their lives. Where had that gone? 

“Yeah,” Tsuki said plainly, his face making it clear that he was just saying the words he thought Yamaguchi wanted to hear. 

In his own way, he was trying and Yamaguchi appreciated that but he found himself wondering if you’re supposed to have to try this hard at all? Shouldn’t this be easier? 

“You don’t want to be going do you?” He finally asked. 

“Of course I do, that’s why I brought it up in the first place,” Tsuki answered flatly. 

They took a turn down the sidewalk and found themselves moving up a driveway towards a house emitting loud music with strobe LED lights blaring inside perfectly timed with the music beats. 

They stopped for a second just in front of the door and Tsuki took the opportunity to suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly from his nose before his lips flattened in annoyance and he opened the door leading the way for both of them inside. 

Once inside, they found an unoccupied corner all to themselves by the kitchen and took a moment to scope out the scene around them. 

“Wow, there’s a lot of volleyball players here tonight,” Yamaguchi joked, scanning around the room, amazed by the number of faces he recognized. “Whose party is this?” 

“I don’t know. Heard someone talking about it somewhere.” Tsuki told him. 

His body language already screamed discomfort but he had planted himself in place nonetheless. Tsukishima really could be one of the most stubborn people alive when he wanted to be and for whatever reason he was pulling out all the stops tonight, determined to be at this party he clearly wasn’t interested in. 

“Want a drink?” Yamaguchi asked him just as a few Date Tech first years walked by with full red and blue solo cups. 

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but think maybe Tsuki just needed to relax a little and get into things more. Maybe alcohol wasn’t the best way to get there but this obstinate silently-unhappy energy he was radiating was starting to bother Yamaguchi. This was a party after all and he had given Tsuki so many chances to not come tonight and he had rejected them all. Now they were here so the only option was to just try and make the best of it. 

Tsukishima just shook his head though. “Not tonight.” 

Yamaguchi felt a shock of irritation hit him and he pulled in a sharp breath to keep him from losing his cool. 

“Fine.” He said shortly, “I’m getting myself one then.” 

He walked around the blond before anything either of them would regret could be said and made his way down the stairs behind the living room where he had seen people coming up from with their drinks. 

The party was pretty crowded upstairs but downstairs was even busier. The beer pong game had taken up most of the room and any other spare space seemed to be taken up by loitering teenagers and couples making out on the couch. Yamaguchi made his way over to the keg in the corner and got himself a full glass from the tap. He took a sip and felt the bitter room temperature liquid slip down his throat easily but gagged a little on the terrible aftertaste. He looked around the room, not wanting to immediately go back upstairs and stand miserably in silence next to Tsuki again so soon, and felt his eyes widen as he saw something he began to think he shouldn’t have. 

A tall slender figure with curly brown hair he immediately recognized as The Great King Oikawa Tooru from Aoba Johsai moved past him, dragging an even taller sturdier man behind him. Yamaguchi’s face lost its color as it dawned on him that it was Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

He had always heard those two hated each other but he supposed that they could just be enemies on the court without carrying the animosity into their personal lives—sometimes getting drunk unsupervised leads to making unusual friends after all. ‘Friends’ turned out to be not exactly the right term as they both fell drunkenly onto one of the couches pushed up against the far wall and very aggressively began making out. 

Yamaguchi felt his mouth fall open. 

He had to hold himself back from cartoonishly rubbing his eyes to be sure of what exactly he was seeing. Feeling like he had just learned some kind of top-secret information, Yamaguchi downed the rest of the drink and immediately refilled it back to the top. 

Yamaguchi had never been much of a drinker so he had to admit that he was a bit of a lightweight, but even he was surprised with how quickly he felt the effects of that second drink. He could feel his face turn a little red in the cheeks as he began to feel warm despite being in the dark damp basement of the house. Carefully, he tried taking a step forward and felt his foot land awkwardly as he tried to make his way back to the stairs. He hadn’t even finished a second beer and yet he was definitely buzzed, was that efficient or embarrassing? 

Climbing the stairs was easier than he had expected but he found himself bumping into or maybe being bumped into by so many party-goers upstairs that he was sure he was starting to resemble a sack of potatoes on the back of a produce truck. Eventually, though, he found his way back to the kitchen and was both unsurprised and a little disappointed to see that Tsuki had apparently not moved an inch since he left. That look of boredom and frustration was still plastered sourly on his face too. 

“Did I miss anything?” He asked the taller boy, hearing there was a slight slur in his voice that seemed amazing for so early in the night. 

“Are you drunk?” Tsukishima asked him, gaping. 

“I don’t know mom, am I?” He heard himself answer back, the funny fuzzy feeling in his head emboldening him to be a little more sarcastic and direct than he normally would. 

This gave Tsukishima pause but eventually, he just sighed and rolled his eyes. 

Maybe it was the one and a half beers currently circulating in Yamaguchi’s blood but that look of disinterest was the last straw. Yamaguchi felt his jaw set angrily and a deep buried section of his immense patience gave way and fell apart. 

“Why are you being like this?” He snapped. “You must have known what this party was going to be like when you brought it up so why are you being so miserable? It’s a party, at least try and have some fun!” 

Tsukishima shifted uncomfortably after being addressed so directly. His face went pink and he frowned. 

“Who said I’m not having fun?” He challenged. 

“Your face is doing a pretty great job of giving away that little secret, Tsuki,” Yamaguchi told him. 

At this, Tsuki just scoffed and crossed his arms. He always did this when confronted with something he didn’t want to deal with. He would just shut down and shut people out. Yamaguchi had always been one of the few people Tsuki never shut out, but more and more it felt like that was changing.  
At that thought, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel hot tears rise in his eyes. 

He didn’t want to lose Tsuki but he just couldn’t keep going like this either. Convincing himself that Aoi had been unfair towards Tsukishima had been easy enough because he hadn’t wanted to believe it, but now he just felt like an idiot for actually falling for his own act. 

Just because Tsuki had invited him here tonight didn’t mean that he wasn’t all of the things Aoi had accused him of being. He had just wanted to believe it wasn’t true so badly that he really had convinced himself there was a whole wide future with a man that couldn’t even seem to look him in the eyes anymore. A future? Who was he kidding? They didn’t even have a present. 

Yamaguchi’s teeth clenched together and he shoved past the blond and back towards the rest of the party. He needed another drink. That would surely solve all his problems, right? 

A wave of dizziness slammed into him causing him to stumble a little and before he knew it, he had smacked directly into someone’s back and spilled part of his drink all over the taller man’s shoes. 

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” The man growled, turning around to reveal that he was none other than the ace of Aoba Johsai—Iwaizumi Hajime. 

Yamaguchi felt his heart leap up to his throat. 

Iwaizumi had dark features and an intimidating look about him that sent a shiver through Yamaguchi from head to toes. The sheer novelty and shock of seeing a man like him with an angry expression like that after how he and Tsuki had left things sent a new wave of tears to his eyes and down his cheeks. 

This seemed to panic the Seijo ace who immediately apologized for overreacting and even managed to immediately recognize that something was upsetting Yamaguchi despite never having interacted before now. Iwaizumi Hajime seemed to understand how he felt after ten seconds but Tsukishima Kei couldn’t after ten years. Fuck. 

Iwaizumi asked him if he was alright and before he even knew what he was doing, he had spilled every thought raging inside his head and even received a moment of comfort and support from this upperclassman he barely knew. 

“I wish I could fix it,” Iwaizumi told him slanted, “I wish things were different.” 

Now there was an idea. If only things were different… 

It was just then that Yamaguchi remembered for the first time that Iwaizumi was childhood friends with Oikawa who, as far as Yamaguchi knew, was still downstairs with his lips all over the Shiratorizawa ace. He wondered if Iwaizumi already knew or if his first instinct had been correct that it was strange and best left unsaid.

Being childhood friends with Tsuki and now having taken things further, Yamaguchi found himself wondering about Iwaizumi and Oikawa silently. Oikawa’s reputation as a bit of a playboy was pretty well known and he always had a fan section of girls from local schools at tournaments and yet, when Yamaguchi had seen how he and Iwaizumi interacted on the sidelines, it was clear that they were closer with each other than anyone else. 

Or was he reading too much into this? 

The alcohol seemed to combine with his own building curiosity and his mouth moved faster than his brain and he asked Iwaizumi if he had come with Oikawa tonight. 

Iwaizumi almost laughed and told him that Oikawa hadn’t come at all. 

Huh? 

That wasn’t right. 

“Are you sure? I thought I just saw him over in the other room?” His mouth said in a moment of abject horror before he realized exactly what kind of door he had just carelessly opened. 

Uh oh… 

That probably had been meant to be a secret. 

Iwaizumi reacted immediately and demanded more details. Still appalled that he had said anything at all, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but at least explain what he had meant. 

Iwaizumi’s face dropped and his eyes widened so that the whites were clear against his tanned skin. His features morphed into a scowl and he set his shoulders like a man on a mission. 

“I should warn you though,” Yamaguchi tried, hoping he could at least prepare Iwaizumi for the mess he was about to walk in on, “he seemed pretty… drunk.” 

That was the best damage control he could come up with but remembering exactly what he had seen and the effect it was sure to have, he cursed himself, knowing it was not nearly enough. 

Iwaizumi shoved past Yamaguchi and left him alone on the dance floor at the center of the living room. The advice he had just given him about being honest and confronting Tsukishima once and for all was at the front of his mind as he glanced back at saw his boyfriend sulking against the kitchen cabinets. 

“I-I’m sorry for what I said.” Yamaguchi started, as he made his way back over to the blond. “It wasn’t fair of me.” 

Tsukishima’s face and body language seemed to soften and open with that apology. He chewed the inside of his cheek like he hadn’t expected an apology at all and now he wasn’t sure how to accept it instead of just staying angry in silence—his usual move in times like these. 

“I get it.” That was all he said. 

For him, that was certainly making an effort but it just served to remind Yamaguchi of how much effort everything seemed to require these days and he felt his body go limp. 

“I just feel frustrated sometimes that it’s so hard for us to communicate recently.” He admitted. 

Tsuki’s eyes looked panicked, revealing that he had probably assumed they were now done talking about this topic and was not prepared to go on about it. 

“It’s not that hard.” He said, an edge in his voice giving away the fact that he was lying and trying to convince himself that he wasn’t. 

So he had noticed it too? 

“It is though,” Yamaguchi told him, obstinately. “You upset a lot of people and don’t seem to care, you know? I just never realized I was one of those people too…” 

“H-Hey that’s not fair,” Tsukishima defended, “it’s not my fault people get upset all the time. It’s not like I am actually trying to upset people.” 

His whole body went tense. 

“I joke and poke fun at people, sure, but that’s harmless usually,” he continued, “and you’ve never had a problem with it before. Usually, it’s just a way for us to talk and stuff…” 

His eyes looked lost in thought like he was rethinking things in his head and starting to honestly wonder if he was telling the truth. 

“Well, maybe I have a problem with it now!” Yamaguchi answered. “Have you ever considered how it makes me feel that we spend all of our time ragging on other people? How do I know that you don’t go around behind my back doing the exact same thing about me with other people? How do I even know you care about me at all? You never show it!” 

The volume of his voice was rising over the music as he felt a storm of emotions bubbling under his surface. 

“I would never do that to you!” Tsuki growled, looking genuinely offended that Yamaguchi would even suggest it. “ For your information, I do show it all the time—in my own way—but I shouldn’t even have to, shouldn’t you just know by now? We’ve known each other since we were kids and we’ve been together for months now. Shouldn't you be a little less insecure?” 

That stung like a slap to the face. 

“How dare you! If I am insecure, that is only because you make me that way! You never talk to me so I never know where we stand and that freaks me out!” 

“Well, forgive me for not being a perfect communicator.” Tsuki humphed. 

“Perfect?!” Yamaguchi almost screamed in disbelief. “I don’t expect perfect but you give me nothing to work with at all!” 

Tsukishima’s expression turned to stone. 

Why couldn’t he seem to understand what Yamaguchi was telling him? 

“You just want something I can’t be!” He shouted, matching Yamaguchi’s volume and intensity. 

“I just want you to try!” 

“No! You want someone who talks about feelings all the time and is good with people and words and all that shit I suck at!” Tsukishima hissed. “Well newsflash, Tadashi, that is just not who I am. I don’t have that kind of thing in me so if you want that in a boyfriend, then maybe what you really want is someone else entirely!” 

They both froze. 

“…w-what?” Yamaguchi heard his voice whisper. 

Tsukishima’s face was as white as a sheet. His mouth hung open, disgusted by the words that had just left it. 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that.” He stuttered. 

_Maybe what you really want is someone else entirely!_

Those words hung in the air like a noxious gas. They rattled around inside Yamaguchi’s memory, echoing and repeating over and over again, becoming more and more painful with every repetition. 

“How could you say that?” Yamaguchi demanded in a hushed whisper. 

This was every nightmare come true. 

This was everything he had feared this morning. Were they breaking up? 

“I-I j-just meant that I have a hard time with that kind of thing, okay? I don’t really like most people and most people don’t really like me and… and I’ve always been fine with that I guess because at least I had you an-“ He was rambling now but Yamaguchi felt his words like a shot in the chest. 

“At least you had me?” Yamaguchi rephrased in disbelief. “Is that all I am to you Tsuki? Someone? Anyone? Anyone that stands between you and being alone? Well, has it ever occurred to you that I deserve to be special and loved and not just the thing keeping you from being totally miserable and by yourself?” 

Tears were coming down. Salty and hot they were dripping off of his chin as he seethed and falling into his mouth, making it harder and harder to speak. 

“No!” Tsuki screamed. “T-That’s not what I meant, I-I didn’t mean it like that at all I-I just… oh my fucking god I am so bad at this! Fuck! Please I-“ 

“Save it.” Yamaguchi told him, sucking in an uneven breath. “Just don’t.” 

They were both so angry but it just seemed like the only thing they were doing was hurting each other. Realizing he just needed to break the chain, Yamaguchi turned to go and Tsuki tried to grab his arm. 

“Stop! Wait, I-“ 

Yamaguchi let Tsuki grab his sleeve and hold on, he wanted so badly to give in and turn around and just forgive him but his heart was pounding beats in his ears and the tears dripping into his shirt were enough to remind him how much pain he was in. 

“Just promise to try! You never try! You never care!” He yelled back at the blonde, his entire body trembling with rage. “Can you do that? Just promise to be better and then maybe…” 

Tsukishima just stared back at him helplessly as if he had just asked for the one thing that Tsukishima just could not give him. 

“I-I wish things were different but that’s just not who I am, I can try but I just… that’s not me. I c-can’t promise… I thought you understood who I was.” His voice sounded broken. “I thought you were okay with who I was, I thought you loved who I was…” 

Yamaguchi felt his own eyes widen. 

Love? 

Who knows how many moments of silence passed between them as they stared at each other in total silent awe. 

The longer they stood there, not speaking, the more and more it felt like there was nothing to say. Tsukishima’s light amber eyes stared back at him, waiting for something, anything, any kind of sign that things would be okay but Yamaguchi just couldn’t grant him something that wasn’t in his power to give. Tsukishima of all people had to understand that. 

After another moment, Tsukishima looked down and away and with a single shake of his head, ran for the door. He just couldn’t seem to stand things a second longer as they stood and so, he ran away like the coward he was. 

Yamaguchi felt his fist clench in defiance as the door slammed hard behind his boyfriend who was now only interested in getting as far away from him as humanly possible. The entire house shook with the force of the door and every face at the party turned to face Yamaguchi accusingly as if asking what he had done. They were judging him. It hurt. He couldn’t stand it. He had to make it stop. 

Before he knew it, he was tearing down the stairs into the basement. He rounded a corner and saw a line of bedroom doors along the wall and tried the first one he saw hoping desperately there would be some kind of respite and peace inside. 

Instead, he was treated to the faces of Iwaizumi Hajime and Akaashi Keiji staring back at him with wonder and pity as they must have seen the tears on his face and heard the commotion upstairs. 

“Oh! S-Sorry!” He squeaked, trying to close the door before he could embarrass himself any worse. 

As the door was shining closed, Yamaguchi heard Akaashi and Iwaizumi shout his name and stopped in his tracks. 

They invited him in and offered him a blue beanbag chair in the center of the small bedroom. As he expected, they put two and two together quickly and seemed to understand that he was upset and Iwaizumi realized right away that it was because of Tsukishima. 

Yamaguchi still didn’t know either all that well—Akaashi at least he had gotten to know a bit at the training camps, but Iwaizumi was still such a blank personally—but none the less, they both tried to talk to him and calmed him down with the immediacy of experienced upperclassmen. 

Akaashi seemed a little down and depressed but he was usually on the subdued side so it was hard to be sure. Iwaizumi was also definitely upset. He was more on the fiery angry side of the spectrum though and had seething disbelief about him that made Yamaguchi sure he had walked in on Oikawa and Ushijima. Guilt began to wash over Yamaguchi. If only he had managed to give a better warning or, even better, kept his mouth shut and said nothing at all. 

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but think how worse off they all seemed after coming to this party. Usually, people went to these things to blow off steam and have a good time, but tonight, no one appeared to be having anything but a waking nightmare. 

They kept asking him questions about what happened and, even though the wound was still sore, it felt good to say it all out loud. If it had been any other fight or any other problem he would probably be doing the exact same thing, but with Tsuki. Now though, that wasn’t even an option. It was like he had lost his life jacket and was drowning with nothing to hold onto. The truth was, he was lost and everything sucked and he didn’t know what to do about it. He felt about as helpless as he ever had. 

“You were right before, Iwaizumi,” Akaashi eventually said, sounding exhausted. 

“About what?” Iwaizumi asked him, trying to remember some conversation they had had earlier no doubt. 

“When you said that you wished you could just fix it. If things were different, then none of these problems would exist and everything would be fine again.” Akaashi explained, his voice reminding Yamaguchi of the helplessness he felt inside as well. 

Was it possible that they were all going through the same thing? 

Yamaguchi knew that Akaashi and Bokuto had been together for over a year but they had always seemed so happy, so what could possibly be wrong? No sooner had he asked himself that question, he remembered what a strong personality Bokuto could be and how much effort and work it took Akaashi to keep him focused during games. Their teamwork was legendary but after everything Yamaguchi had been through with Tsukishima, he had a definite understanding of how tiring it might get trying to tame an extreme temperament like Bokuto’s. 

Akaashi was only a second-year too but Bokuto was a third-year and would be graduating at the end of the term. That had to be putting stress on them, especially if Bokuto was avoiding the topic—as Yamaguchi had good reason to suspect was the case. Exit exams, applications, graduation, next steps, all of that was a lot to worry about and didn’t seem like the kind of thing that Bokuto would be very interested in which no doubt left the hard work and stress to Akaashi. 

Maybe they all had more in common at this moment than any of them realized. 

“Oikawa fucked me over.” Iwaizumi growled, confirming Yamaguchi’s suspicion about his state of mind. 

“Tsuki fucked _me_ over.” Yamaguchi agreed, thinking back to their fight and the harsh words that Tsuki had levied at him. 

All he had asked for was effort after all. The only thing he had wanted was some kind of communication to hold onto or some kind of confirmation that they had a future together and Tsuki couldn’t even give him that much. 

Tsuki definitely had fucked him over and thinking about it just made him angrier. 

The scene was still so fresh in his mind and the pain still so vibrant in his memory that thinking about what had been said felt like rubbing salt in a wound. It hurt so fucking much that Yamaguchi would do anything just to make it stop. To make it different. It wasn’t fair. Why did things have to turn out this way? 

“Bokuto fucked me over!” Akaashi finally joined in, his voice sounding surprised that he had spoken at all. 

Something in his eyes suggested that it had never occurred to him to truly blame Bokuto for his part in whatever had happened between them. Yamaguchi certainly understood that much too, as terrible as he felt and as heartless as he wished he could be, it took effort to speak against Tsuki, and the disloyalty he felt in doing so was a new weight on his shoulders crushing him lower and lower. 

“God, I just fucking wish everything was different!” Iwaizumi grumbled, pounding his fist into the carpet for emphasis. 

_I wish I could fix it_. Iwaizumi had told him before. _I wish things were different_.

At this moment, Iwaizumi’s words from earlier resonated with Yamaguchi at this moment even more than they had before. The idea that things could be anything other than how they seemed like a dream. A miracle. It was impossible of course and far too much to ever wish for and yet his heart yearned for a world where he could have anything other than the life he was currently trapped in with all its pain and loneliness. 

“I wish _they_ were different.” Yamaguchi heard himself say. 

It was exactly then that a voice somewhere spoke up and a terrible cold feeling descended over the room. 

It was a ghastly-looking boy sitting precariously in a corner, veiled in shadows so that Yamaguchi couldn’t tell who he was or even how old he might be. 

His voice was tight and steely and sent danger signals flaring up all around Yamaguchi. Some voice inside his head was begging him to just run. 

“W-Who are you?” Yamaguchi whispered. 

“That’s not important.” The boy told him with a cruel and inhuman kind of tone. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation before and caught my interest.” 

He had been listening to them vent all this time? 

“Oh sorry,” Yamaguchi told him apologetically. 

He wasn’t quite sure why he was apologizing but something just told him this boy was bad news and to stay safe any way he could. 

The boy told him he apologized too much and Yamaguchi apologized again. 

The boy observed Yamaguchi up and down like he was a prize cut of meat at a butcher and then smiled, clearly amused by what he was seeing. There was something about the way he was sizing up everyone in the room that made Yamaguchi wonder what exactly his intentions were

He asked Yamaguchi if Tsukishima made him apologize a lot and before Yamaguchi could ask how the boy knew Tsuki’s full name, he found himself agreeing and telling the boy that Tsuki was mean and he hated it. 

It was true that Tsuki could be mean, but why was he telling that to this stranger? It wasn’t always true either but for some reason, now, he was talking like it was an indisputable fact. 

Yamaguchi rarely liked to deal in absolutes, especially with people he didn’t know and so a feeling that something was dangerously wrong began to grow into full-blown panic. Why couldn’t he seem to stop talking? 

The boy went around the room and asked Akaashi and Iwaizumi the same sorts of questions and each of them, one after the other, seemed to give in and agree the same way Yamaguchi had. None of them looked happy to be saying it either. 

Eventually, when he appeared satisfied and pleased with everything that had been said, the boy moved his dark lifeless eyes onto Iwaizumi like a predator sizing up prey and asked what he actually wished for. There was a surgical precision in his voice that gave Yamaguchi an inexplicable sense of urgency like these words were about to matter and would hold some kind of power so they needed to be extremely carefully chosen. 

“I wish they were different.” Iwaizumi spoke out loud, voicing the very same thought that had been growing inside Yamaguchi as if they were all now connected by that wish and it somehow bound them together under this mysterious figure. 

None of this made any sense and yet there was an uneasiness in the air that told Yamaguchi not to take it lightly. He had good instincts for danger and he knew a bully when he saw one. This boy, whoever he really was, fit that image so well Yamaguchi might have wondered if it was created with him in mind. The way he seized people up like they were beneath him and existed only to entertain or distract him was inhuman. 

“Careful what you wish for.” His voice cackled triumphantly as Yamaguchi’s eyes felt suddenly heavy and the world turned to black around him. 

——————————————

The next thing Yamaguchi knew, his same old alarm clock was ringing next to him sending him jumping out of bed—his heart beating against his ribs and a veil of cold sweat dripping down his face and back as he met the brisk morning air. 

His head was pounding and a nauseous wave hit him hard sending him scrambling across the room to his desk's garbage can where the contents of his stomach decided to exit stage right. 

His muscles ached and he had to suppress a shiver as he did everything in his power to remember how exactly he had made it back home and what actually had happened last night…

He thought he remembered and yet every time he thought back to sitting alone in that room with Iwaizumi and Akaashi, it just didn’t make sense. That creepy boy… who was he? Had he done something? Had he been drugged? 

A surge of dread shocked Yamaguchi as he examined his body for bruises or any signs of force used against him. Thankfully, there was nothing. Overall, he felt weirdly normal, if not a little hungover and confused despite how plainly not normal his memories felt. 

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something felt strange—bad. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing that something might be lurking around the corner waiting to take you into its clutches. There was a sense of danger and an unsettling fear in the air like the very floor under his feet was different and only he was the same. 

It was only at this moment that Yamaguchi realized his alarm clock had woken him up from his sleep. That clock was automatically set to go off only on weekdays for school but yesterday had been Friday so today should have been Saturday. Today was Saturday, right? 

Grabbing blindly for his phone, Yamaguchi felt the blood drain out of his face as he was greeted with the extremely unwelcome revelation that, according to his phone, it was in fact Monday morning at 6:45 am. 

He had slept for an entire weekend…

How was that possible? It must have been drugs after all. What other explanation was there for something like that? It didn’t make any sense. Something really must have been wrong. 

The lack of notifications on his phone struck Yamaguchi painfully. Normally, there would at least be a text or two from Tsuki—especially after a full weekend apart. But there were no calls or points of contact at all. It was almost as if no time had passed at all despite two whole days disappearing entirely. 

The longer Yamaguchi looked down at his phone, the tighter and sicker his chest and stomach felt. As if everything else wasn’t terrible and confusing enough on its own, no texts from Tsuki also meant that at no point over the weekend that wasn’t, had Tsuki tried to find him to talk things through… 

Yamaguchi tried to calm himself enough to pull on his uniform and brush out his hair to head to school, the impossibility of his situation spinning around him incomprehensibly. He was probably going to be sick. 

Just as Yamaguchi was spitting out a mouth full of toothpaste into the sink, there was a familiar knock at his front door and his heart tried to jump out of his chest. 

…Could it be? 

He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected or even hoped would be on the other side of that door and yet he still managed to be greeted by the very last thing he could have imagined. 

Even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself, after the shock of waking up and realizing everything that must have happened, the first person he had wanted to call and talk to was Tsuki. It had taken all of his efforts not to pull up his number then and there and tell him everything. But he had stopped himself remembering that if Tsuki had wanted to talk, then he would have called or texted or come sooner to work things out. This must mean that he was still mad and if Yamaguchi knew one thing about Tsukishima Kei, it was that when he got angry or upset or was confronted with anything that was too heavy or real for him to laugh off as a joke, he simply ignored it. That must have been exactly what he was doing now. Even if he had come to walk to school—as had become their routine—he would probably be in a foul mood and would not want to hear another word about everything that had gone down at the party on Friday night. 

Despite knowing all of this, when he had seen that tall lanky silhouette waiting outside his door, it was like his entire exhausted, disoriented, body smiled. 

This would be an uphill battle, but coming to walk together—no matter how angry and antisocial he was sure to be along the way—was a sign that there might still be some distant hope. 

As the door opened, Yamaguchi prepared himself for Tsuki’s sour, tired, cynical face. Instead, the book bag between his fingers slipped and slammed into the ground with a hollow thud as his brain struggled to fathom the sight before his eye. 

“Tadashi?” Tsukishima’s voice asked eagerly as they both came into each other's view. “I am so sorry for everything! I was totally wrong and I think we should talk about it and work through it together.” 

The words were lost like white noise to Yamaguchi’s ears in the wake of the infinitely more distracting wide toothy smile spread across his boyfriend’s face. 

“W-What?” Yamaguchi squeaked in disbelief at what he was seeing. 

Tsukishima’s head rolled back as he laughed heartily. 

“Did you not sleep well?” He asked him, the smile fixed on his face as if it had been carved there in stone. “You should take better care of yourself. We’ve got a big practice game after school later and we’ve both got to be at our best to win!” 

Win?

Usually, pushing Tsuki enough to care about something like winning in a game as low stakes as the practice game on their schedule was like a full-time job. Since when did he care this much about that sort of thing?

“A-Are you feeling okay, Tsuki?” He breathed, his voice a gentle whisper, completely stunned. 

“Me? Never better! Now come on, we’ll be late to school and I know we’ve got a lot to talk about before we get there.” 

Before Yamaguchi knew what was happening, Tsuki’s arm came down over his shoulder and steered him away from the house in a warm and tight embrace as they began their regular walk to school feeling like it was the very first time. 

Whatever had happened last night, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all?

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any thoughts or feelings after reading this I would absolutely love to hear them!! Please leave a comment if you want, it means a lot to hear back from you all! Xx
> 
> (BTW my goal is to update this fic about every other week with chapters of about the same length probably on weekends or the early part of the next week for time to edit haha)


End file.
